Saturday, 13 August 2011

Ennui




Boredom to lousy housewives
Is a day’s task
For aged men and their wives,
Just their compulsion’s mask
Listless is but a word for the lads
Lounged displeasured on a cask
The true pleasure of boredom, ask him
For whom yet a world of errands does bask



Tuesday, 26 July 2011

I feel so light




I drink it every night
For a sight
And that fight
But you were right, you were right

We won’t fight
Ahead; how there’s no sight
I still hope I might
Have that sight one night, one night.

I drank it every night
It’s over and tight
I buried my heart in fright
But pleasantly I feel so light, so light.


Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Why do I still see their footprints?


I don't want them to read my heart, yet I yearn for someone to know my heart...
~

How earnestly one yearns to break free the shackles of emotional binding, and ironically, how desperately one craves for the very emotional bonds. Ostensibly they are two little words, but move on, translate into transcending two vast worlds; Worlds apart.

Life is a caravan, look around, there are many more; they keep reiterating. Yes many, then why is it that you get stuck to one or a few? It’s not that you don’t want to walk ahead, its not that you want to stay aloof, its not that you don’t want to laugh again, but then why is it that you just don’t move beyond little smiles, hesitant at times, plastic at others? Why? Why don’t you burst into mirth? Why is it that you are not ready to let anyone fill in that place in your system which once belonged to someone? Why do you fear replacement?

You chid yourself every morning and every night to walk ahead. Then why is it that you slip and slump into the wrong lane, one that’s just of memories. Time is the most whimsical player of the game. And you just can’t match your wit with its. Never. Shed all burden and past is one. There is still light around, still able enough to pep you up, still bright to show you ahead. Why is it that you decline their offer?

And after hauling yourself out of that lane, for the umpteenth number of time this day, as alike others, you just harangue! Move on. Replace. See ahead. They’ve walked their miles. There are others waiting to walk down with you. Yet, why do I still see the old footprints? 


Thursday, 28 April 2011

My moon that night!




Well past midnight in March
A large orange moon hung
Precariously near the swishing
Tree that could have it stung.

A lone sheet on the clothesline,
I fluttered in the large balcony;
Left over to be dried, I saw
The moon, try some alchemy.

It glowed in pride.
The big circle with the marks;
It charmed me next
With such sparkling sparks

Full in shape that night,
Although I’d earlier romanced,
Hanging in forlorn nights,
Some slender crescents that’d advanced.

Reaching my hand out
I shouted and called it in,
“Careful! The frenzied twigs”
I’d seen in it some of my kin.

Gloomy I sulked back.
They gave no mouths to textile!
Feared a scratch on the delicate face,
But my screech was just futile.

The rope shivered and I
Called out the cheeks of heaven,
“Stop the ugly play of Wind or
Haul my darling away but in safe haven.”

Peeped she out, unveiling
From the ashen Cloud;
Painting a pale hapless smile,
Just to slip back in her shroud.

Wind halted to grin at me,
Towing in along heavy grey fate;
Her veil swelled up!
And started shedding weight.

I scoffed back at him
For his self goal that night;
Scary twigs quit their game, and,
I was drenched again for her delight. 


Saturday, 16 April 2011

Again!



It’s pretty,
Pretty again
And I hear it again,
The violin hum;
I shake up to realize
I haven’t had any rum.

But I see it again
I see it happening now

I think
Think again
And I look forward
To live the moments
I wake up to remember
And realize their torments.

But I see it again
A half of I want it now

Not my fault
Not my fault again
It treats me such and
I forget all – now and old
I slap my head to stop
Even ere, I couldn’t be bold.

I see it again
I think of the right wrong now

It’s fervent,
Fervent again;
I remember the last
I compare the reasons and all.
And sigh as I have always done;
A faint smile and I take the call.

I’m falling again.
Falling in love again now;
If not sincere as last
’m learning to love again, now…



Monday, 11 April 2011

Summer Possum





Time has gone by
And they’d moved on
Yet on a murky night
She remembered that dawn

On a lurid march day
He kissed her brow
Gifted a tiny possum
With a red ribbon bow

She loved him much
And loved the possum
It hopped and played
And danced to her drum

It liked her much
Cuddling on the shoulder
Ran across her chest
Behind her neck, felt bolder

Seasons changed and
Months passed to summer
Possum she called hers
Made her eyes shimmer

That sunny afternoon
It ran into the wood
Her pulse paced n pounded
Shivered and wept in the hood

She looked and looked on
And remembered the kiss
Road was lonely ahead
Possum hers, she’d miss

Skies turned dark
And the rain hit her hard
She wondered of her phalange
And sang as a bard

Season’s first flakes fell
And snow made her white
Where would it be and
Wished for just a sight

The maid ran in and
Grinned and screamed
“My man saw the possum
With many others it teamed”

Sprang she with glee
And sent for her husband
Then realized clay
Had to return to sand

She’d calmed down
And verified the red bow
The little beast last wore
Smiled she, tears fell in a row

Its summer today
And she tenders little Furs
Remembers hers first, sighs
Smiles and continues to nurse

As his possum
Was he and his love
And so was hers
Painted a smile and dove

Time has gone by
And they’ve moved on
Yet on a murky night
She remembers that dawn


Friday, 8 April 2011

Jan support but not Jasmine!





An interesting balance sets on the stats when one juxtaposes the figures 1.67 lakh crores and 1.21 billion! One, an estimate of an instance of loss and the other, well our strength. That’s what our worrisome population is known as when a Gandhi sits on a Satyagrah. Within hours of Anna starting his fast unto death, for bringing accountability in the governance, an unprecedented response mushroomed across the country. Saffron scarves and in skull caps, cotton sari clad and in candid denims, silver haired and the seventeen year old, all turned out from the multi strata complex society. Oh! Well that makes us 1.2 billion.

A historic revolution and naming it the second freedom struggle, the internet beings have added quite admirable fuel to the fire, fanned by the media. A rotten country, ranking 87th on the corruption list could merely dream of flying. Only a fire in the house could have broken our slumber. The overwhelming response on the call of Hazare, roaring Anna nahi yeh aandhi hai,Desh ka doosra Gandhi hai, would bring down the lumbering government to finally pass the much coveted, 42 year grand old bill, a precaution then, but surely a cure now.

Street plays, speeches and slogans, all have been screaming of corruption and decay. Perhaps taking cue of the global trends, we’ve started smelling Jasmine in India. But, here lies a sad note. India, however mucky it may be, is a thriving and well so, democracy. Rechristening Jantar Mantar, Tahrir Square, would be disrespecting ourselves, our faith and that of Anna Hazare’s campaign. Let’s leave it to Egypt and the ilk to liberate from their non democratic regimes at Tahrir.

Although a section of the society suspects Anna’s version of the bill, and quite reasons it. Establishing an institution as super cop – super judge, might in some stray possibilities give birth to a monstrous head with no counter. Yet, it’s quite desirable to have such a Lokpal even if it questions every move of the government. Its time we get it done.

As crores gather in the width and span of the country in support of Anna, many are oblivious to the motive of their congregating, even if they do shout for the Jan Lokpal Bill, plenty don’t understand its intricacies. But what they do know is that they have assembled to question the political class of the callous corrupt governance they have been inflicted upon. And that is reason enough to join the ‘historic’ movement.

True liberation though, would only be achieved if this mass support translates into a mass will of acting against basic corruption, the aam aadmi corruption. It doesn’t lie with the government alone; it breeds in every child here. We can’t sing songs that are crooned in Arabia. Along with the check on politicos, we need to keep a tab on selves. A no to the next cop on the road for the ghoos, stands must for a Lokpal Law to be implemented well.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

I look on...





I looked at the mirror
I looked at the mirror again tonight.

I looked at myself after pretty long,
I looked at how I look now.
I looked if anything had to be fixed,
I looked interested in myself, and how!
I’d never really been a Narcissist, but
I brushed with the sense after pretty long.

I used to gaze at the reflection for hours,
I used to look on until my look was fine.
I used to ask the mirror if I’d be looked at
I used to smile for the gentry that would dine.
And then, my muse was gone.
Along; had gone plenty.

I lost much, and in that was my mirror.
I was brought a new one, framed, and well lit.
I looked at it and wondered, for whom?
I was told to move on, but I rarely looked at it.

Today, was it?
Or has it been for a while?
I spoke interestedly and listened to the replies,
I smiled and kept it, till I walked home.
I looked at the mirrored face and yes, time flies.
I hooked the mirror on a wall,
I look at the mirror today and
I remember the bygone fall.

I look hesitant, I sigh for the dawn,
I look at the mirror to see a missing scar,
I look, and there’s still in me that fawn.
I look at new grey in the hair, but that wouldn’t mar.
I look on;
I’ll love the old look for on, but
I would look on for my look from now on.

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Let there be no music




Let there be no music
For sometime let it be silent.
Let it settle down
A little, it has been so violent.

The cries of the hero
Longing for his love he lost.
Or the band’s drumbeats
On the floor, cheering raise a toast.

Tune off the radio,
Let there be no sound.
Knock off the earphones
They give my head a round.

You ask for a jazz?
Or skip from pop to rock,
Spare me the Raga, I’ll
Even shove away the filmy dock.

Melody melts as venom, in
My lonely self and a bottle of rum,
For I have walked miles and months,
And the iPod’s been the sole hum.

Tune it off for the
Hero’s croon; love makes me cry.
Knock off the earphones, for the
Revelling beats give nostalgia a try.

Let there be no music
For sometime let there be no noise,
Hush, I quite like this silence,
Please, I just wait to hear a voice…


Tuesday, 21 December 2010

A December night.



That was a raw December night in Delhi. I was driving towards the airport and had just fought for the seventeenth time with my wife for the day. Nagging for every little thing she argued why the hotel staff calls me every second midnight. And to charge it all, the visitor kept on calling to make sure if I had reached the terminal.
Ji, sir ‘am at the parking. Shall I see you at the Arrivals?”
haan bhaiya, Gate 17.”
Grabbing the printout that the reception gave me, I snuggled into the old jacket. Sighing, I remembered how that brown wool brought me closer to my many occasions of a divorce. She’d started with it and went on to stay at her mother’s for months, last winter.
“Damn,” I spat the masala.
“Hello? Bhaiya you haven’t reached the gate?”
“Sir, am almost there.”
Achha, you have the name plate? There are 3 gates, you stand at number 4. I’ll be there looking at 5 and 6. ”
Ji sir.”
I dragged my feet and stood listlessly, leaning at the railing.

“Ajay, again? What number?”
haan, 871, you?” I enquired of Ramdas.
Smart in his Radisson uniform, he started his usual cant, “British 772., saala it was showing delayed sometime back, but now it isn’t even displaying the name.”
“Mine would land at half past 12. Madmen! At twelve only they’ve called me. They’ll take an hour to come out, even if they land in time yaar.”
We kicked off with our regular conversation openings, and my exasperation sublimed away.
“There she is! Whore, last Saturday she walked out with a Jet’s pilot.”
“Hasn’t she grown fat?”
 “Forget it Raamdas.”

Achha, look there. Look how baffled she looks, silly woman.”
“Don’t say that. She comes from a village. Even our wives and sisters would be as puzzled as she. Though, my wife would rather create a scene here for the authorities.”
I noticed the woman. Dressed in what she would call her best suit, an electric blue with large silver motifs. She called for someone and my eyes followed hers. A lad of seventeen, probably, with a face yet not to be shaved, stood a little vexed glancing over the flight schedules. But the glint in his eyes matched the woman’s, rather her silver motifs’. I looked ahead to realize a big crowd of Sardars and the two lanky men behind, with dhols slung across them.
“Must be here to receive their damaad
“Can be here for their son from the UK too… don’t you remember Duggal saab?” I retorted.

The airport aura was different today. A bee hummed near the bin. I discovered people around me; people who stood there… as I stood there every second night, waiting. Their number was plenty. Half of them just hung off the railing. My brothers, I marked.
There was some noise at the other side, and as magnetising such noises are, most of the heads turned towards the gate. A gentleman, I’d say that for his wear, not too sure for his noise with the security chap, walked out of the maze of men and women. A lady draped wonderfully in a pink sari complemented his big brand suit and the violet silk tie.
“She’s old”, nudged Ramdas. Observing my observance of her, “must be a mother of…”
“She is! And I am a father of three.”

The woman in the blue suit was too loud and frantic by now. The boy with him seemed equally hapless. I yawned turning towards the gate numbered 4, they were a habitual sight. My flight was still slated ‘landed’.
“They’ll take an hour more”
“Oh! It’s routine.” My mate responded, as programmed.
“There is too much happening around us. But we never miss the happening one around us.” I chuckled.
kidhar?
Fancy white women of vision often amble out, and had often been our duties as well. But a little anxious one next to us in the reception wasn’t a daily sight. By the time he spotted the beauty with cascading gold locks, she ran off from gate.
“She’s running!”
“Oh! Yes. She is…”
And she almost tripped and slipped en route, slapping her palm against the pillar, hurdling over a bag or two, darting towards the other opening, she stumbled.
“Oh crap!” cried he.
Before one could realize she leaped and flung on to a blonde lad. Flung? They were one in that tight hug, as children’s blocks fix into each other. Now that was a scene the terminal was waiting for, its monotone broke, all heads turned a degree of ninety and their sights remained glued there. Ramdas whistled.

I smiled away, as the decibel rose around and Ramdas got on to his poetic rendition and addition of the spectacle just before us. Within minutes all were back to their chores – chatting, laughing, munching, waiting, swearing, wondering and panicking. The woman in her best blue bib, panicked now, and the boy did the same behind her. He must have been much lesser than his late teens as I estimated. I wanted to offer help, but withheld. This was a regular and she’d find her way out soon. No flights had crashed after all! Instead a new set of people walked out of the Arrivals. We looked for ours in vain. A young handsome man walked out with a sparkling smile. My eyes weren’t even fixed on him yet, when he strode past us and hugged the raucous gentleman.
“I told you she’s a mother, but didn’t realise of such a man!”
I laughed out heartily at my friend’s disappointment. He is on a look out for alliance prospects, seeking a bollywood one at the airport, but this surely put him down. The boy hugged his mother.
“Big business class people. How they betray their age?”

My giggles translated into soft smiles… Their faces were so calm, so happy. The set of thirty two were gone, but the left over managed the grin somehow. Each fold on the face shone cheerfully. Wrinkles could be beautiful. His wife was the same behind him, just on a wheelchair. Was it the relief of coming back in time? Was it to do with the songs of the soil? It indeed was. Or simply, it might be a relief of having someone who cared, probably kids back in the country. Looking for who was going to receive them. I thought of my mother, old and walked with a stick. I barely spoke to her now, sparing the routine food and sleep enquiry. I heaved a sigh; a heavy sigh. My eyes dampened. Now there were no tales, there was no laughter. There were no more arguments, and no more admonishes. She must have been sleeping in her cot in the two room house where I live. But I missed her. I controlled myself and the lovely young pair was received by an equally young man. He appeared to be a brother of the old man. They celebrated.

I wiped my cheek. Thankfully Ramdas was busy with one of his numerous prospects over the phone. He gestured two minutes to me. I said take ten, and laughed him off. The village woman in her bright blue garb was distressed by now. I simply went ahead. She did sound worse than my wife. Probably Suman had got tuned to the city beats. But this lady cried of losing her husband. By the end of the episode I knew they came from Bhatinda, the young son was sixteen and studied in a public school, her husband worked in Oman and landed an hour ago. She had a new mobile number and a worn out battery, and a silly cellular call from my device saved her the hysteria. Plus, her silly husband had walked down back to the departures.
Punjab tourist bus de kol pahuchriyaan”, she handed the phone back to me, her son stretching his smile back. Yes he was close to seventeen, I smiled back.
shukriya virji

Pagli! I spotted her in the beginning only. Didn’t I?”
“It’s okay, the city buzz does scare you. Suman wasn’t better when I moved here.”
“That’s the reason am looking for one here.” he tried hitting a witty one, but my smirk left him defeated. This coupled to the disgusting end he had that day. A stout middle aged woman in a red trouser towing a trailing bag walked out. With an odd grimace she signalled him from a distance of five yards. He shook a little and nervously scuttled away to grab the heavy suitcase.
“See you tomorrow,” I shouted.

The gang of Sardars with the two man band had received neither a son nor a son-in law. A daughter is what the men were proud of. The young zealous white couple had kissed and left, the handsome boy went home with the rich dad, the forever young couple made me heavy and the silly bright blue Bhatinda woman gave me a titter. I wasn’t tired but I called up my man.
“Sir, how long?”
Arrey bhaiya, you bring the car, I’ve received them. Il bring them to the parking.”
Funny man, I gulped down.

My watch showed half past two, when I dropped them at the De Royal. I was tired, now. Walking back I assessed the fall out I had with my wife earlier in the night. I knocked and she opened the door without much delay. It was dimly lit- just the dull night bulb dangling in a corner. That cast a shadow on her profile fusing with dark open hair. Her face was tired, but a faint, satisfied smile painted her well. I had just hugged her.